Friday, August 8, 2014

My Least Favorite Part of Moving

You know how you sort of kind of forget about how hard it is having a baby around?  You’re so excited about having this new bundle of joy to welcome into your home, but you’ve forgotten about how much the lack of sleep totally sucks until you’re right in the middle of it again.  Don’t get me wrong, the lack of sleep is worth it, but it still sucks.

Well, that is how a PCS move is.  You sort of remember that it can be a pain in the rear, but you’re so excited about moving to a new place that you really don’t care.

And that takes me to my least favorite part about transplanting every 2-3 years.

Friend Dating.

Y’all, I totally stress myself out about this.

I’ve made wonderful friends everywhere we’ve been, but those first couple months are hard.

And that’s where I’m at now.

Last week I was really down and out about the whole friend dating situation.

I was supposed to attend my first spouse night last week, and I had to cancel at the very last minute.  I was in tears over the situation.  What if women thought that I was a total flake for cancelling?  Would they still want to be my friend when I am finally able to make it to an event?

I’ve met a few nice people since we’ve moved here.  Our neighbors are all great, but most of them are older.  I talked to a few other moms at swim lessons, but nothing went past there. 

And let’s talk for a second about friend dating when there are kids in the picture.

Sure, having kids gives me plenty of opportunities to meet other moms.  But it also leads to a whole other list of stressors.

What if our kids don’t get along?
What if my kids decide to act like a bunch of wild animals?
What if the other moms thinks I’m a helicopter mom?
What if the other moms thinks I let my kids run wild?
What if I can’t even talk to the other moms because my kids interrupt us 5,378,242 times?
What if the other kids are mean?

Oh yes, all of this goes through my mind.

But I think things are looking up.  I saw a mom at the library the other day that I met a few weeks ago when our boys attended a Lego event together.  The kids played again, and we exchanged numbers.  Score!  My first PA friend dating number exchange!  Tomorrow we are having lunch with the family of a guy that Jarrod works with.  And on Sunday we are going to a command family picnic where there are sure to be plenty of other wives in attendance.

So there you have it.  Friend dating in a nutshell.  I’ve made wonderful life-long friends at each of our duty stations, and I’m sure I will here too.  It’s just the getting there part that’s hard.

GuamMOMS ClubJenny & Staci   Ding Out


Amanda B. said...

Friend dating is the worst! I wish women could be more like kids and say hi, my name is blank, wanna play? Then all is well. No awkwardness at all!

Jen said...

Yes!!! Oh I agree with this so much!

Rachel Ross said...

Yes, yes, yes! It's so hard. After being here almost 2 months it's gotten a ton better but that first month and a half was rough! I cried all the time that I missed having friends!

Ashley said...

Ugh making friends as an adult seriously is so hard! If only it could be as easy as it is for kids, you know?!

The Traveling Parkers said...

Oh Jenny, friend dating SO hard! I am still in the friend dating phase and I've been out of the navy for 3 years.... I have not found that bond like the bond of a Navy Wife. I miss all of you so much. You have no idea! I finally had to come to the place where I am okay with just letting things happen organically... You will find that friend and a few more too! You are an amazing woman!

Kate @ Daffodils said...

Trrrue story! I miss you girls. Hope your upcoming dates go well!

♥ ♥ Just a Girl in Love w/ a Soldier ♥ ♥ said...

OMG, Friend Dating!!! Im stuck in the not really dating zone right now and it stinks!!! Im trying really hard and I keep failing. I've made a few friends at work but it really hasn't gone any were from there. A few people in our neighborhood but again hasn't gone to far. I know it takes time and I've only been here a couple months but still it breaks my heart knowing I had such a great group at our last duty station that I had to leave.
Best of luck to you this coming week with the friend dating!!! :)

erlonslady said...

Jenny, I'm sure you are not shocked that this is my favorite part of moving. (I actually love all but one part of moving - the saying goodbye.)

If I could share the secret to making friends easily I would. I just can't put my finger on it. I guess part of is something my Mother always said about me growing up. "Juliana has never met a stranger."

I think Ashley was almost at the secret, "If only it could be as easy as it is for kids, you know?!" That's the secret. When you meet someone you have to believe that you are meeting a friend not a stranger. You have to believe in your heart that you are among friends.

I have business cards printed up almost immediately after moving to a new place so I can hand them out when I meet people. Everything else will work itself out. If the kids don't get along it's not your fault sometimes kids just don't mesh. If they think you are a helicopter Mom they'll soon learn differently or start offering advice (hopefully tactfully) on how to control helicopter tendencies.

Chances are what you are thinking is the same thing they are thinking... unless they are me in which case they are thinking "Oh Look My New Friend." So that's my advice throw caution to the wind and make the first move with no care at all as to how this will or won't work out. Because that's what will happen it will or won't work out, but you'll be a better person no matter the outcome because you will have taken something away from the relationship, no matter how brief, that makes you a stronger more loving person.

I still remember the first email I received from you before we even met. It was so friendly and welcoming. It made moving to Guam even more exciting.

Alejandra said...

I loathe friend dating! For some reason, I get excited about it before I actually have to do it, but once you're there trying to make friends, it's the worst!

Traci@TheHallway said...

My only time having to do this was our time in Monterey. I am so thankful I found all you girls while we were there! I truly miss all you girls! Hopefully our paths will cross again! :)

Amanda said...

That is hands down the worst part. I am okay with living away from family. I love setting up a new house. I even enjoy learning a new area. But it downright sucks trying to make new friends. It is so much harder to make new friends when you are an adult!